Author: Jeff Tabaco

Once upon a time, lured by the strapping young models in their preppy arcadia, I subscribed to the Abercrombie & Fitch aesthetic–or tried to–until I increasingly realized that its unapologetic vision didn’t include me. I gave it up a long time ago, but this article in Salon profiling A&F’s CEO totally cements it: “The Man Behind Abercrombie & Fitch” (link via Tin Man).

As far as [Mike] Jeffries is concerned, America’s unattractive, overweight or otherwise undesirable teens can shop elsewhere. “In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he says. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either.”

Yes, every company has a target demographic, but instead of feeling aspirational (“you’ll look good wearing our clothes”), I find A&F demotivational (“you have to look good to wear our clothes”). See also Gawker for a follow-up with the author of the Salon piece, Benoit Denizet-Lewis.

Another peeve: using “all-American” in reference to looks. In that context, doesn’t “all-American” really mean white (and thus “ideal”)? Ooh, I’m getting all Angry Asian Man.

In the January/February 2006 issue of The Atlantic, there’s a feature entitled “The Anthem,” in which Garrison Keillor imagines what “The Star-Spangled Banner” might be like had it been written by famous poets. This one is à la Walt Whitman:

Here on the shore of Baltimore observing the barrage of rockets and bombs from the man o’ war,
The gunnery mates stripp’d to the waist and glistening with sweat,
Shouting each to the other and working together in close drill,
Ramming the powder charge and then the enormous projectile,
Each of them a man like myself and possessed of secret longings,
Each of them comely and well-appointed,
Especially the tall one on the left with black curls and taut abdominal muscles,
Who looks so long and lovingly at me, a stranger in big boots,
And I return his gaze–O aficionado, come, take my hand–
Leave your cannonading and we shall travel the open road
Where there are no banners except of affection and the love of dear comrades.

Ha, perfect.

Thom and I had a great three-day trip to New York last weekend; full report and photos are forthcoming. For now, here’s a shot of us in Central Park at Strawberry Fields, through which we strolled on Monday:

Speaking of travel, one month from now we will be in London for a week-long vacation. (It’ll be my first international trip in almost five years; my last was Amsterdam in 2001.) As far as theater goes, we’ve reserved tickets for Mary Poppins and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and our tickets for Billy Elliott arrived today by Royal Mail. Ah, excitement!

As a further aside, I did want to say R.I.P. Independence Air, which flew its last flight on Jan. 5. Our only flights on the short-lived airline were for a trip to Seattle in May of last year. As Thom may remember, at Dulles I had gotten frustrated with the security-checkpoint people and had kind of a breakdown; the pleasant inflight experience was a welcome antidote. Sad to see you go, Independence.

There is a trio of articles in today’s Post about eating lunch at the office, namely at one’s desk. I try not to eat at my desk. Since I work in a cubicle–I had my own office (with a much coveted door) in our old building, sigh–and I eat lunch later than most, eating at my desk usually leaves me open to people stopping by with work-related questions while I’m trying to eat. A while back I decided to reclaim my lunchtime, and use that opportunity to leave the building and get some fresh air. Luckily within walking distance of my office there are a lot of restaurants, so finding a place to escape to and eat at (and work on a crossword puzzle or read a magazine) is never a problem.

• “Desktop Dining“: It’s unhealthy and unappetizing, but 75 percent of office workers dine at their desks.
• “The Yuck Factor“: Office workspaces are laden with bacteria.
• “Make It, and Eat at Your Desk“: Recipes for healthy office eating.

What are your lunch habits?

As if two short weeks (Christmas and New Year’s) weren’t enough–who am I to say no to holidays?–we have another one coming up with Martin Luther King, Jr., Day. This is the first year that my employer is giving us that holiday, so I’ll be taking full advantage of the time off.

Thom and I will spend the three-day weekend on our quarterly pilgrimage to New York (we skipped autumn, and are resuming with winter). The shows we have lined up are: Chita Rivera: The Dancer’s Life, Altar Boyz, and Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead. We’ll swing by MoMA, and figure out some other activities as well. Yay, vacation!

» Previously: “Summer weekend in the city.”

While I love doing crossword puzzles (I usually spend my Metro commute doing the puzzle in one of the free daily papers, Express), I haven’t really taken to sudoku, that number game that seems to be popping up everywhere. I’ve tried it a few times, and it’s just not my thing. I think I much prefer the “Fill in the Squares with Whatever the Hell You Want” puzzle. Everyone wins!

Aside: On one of my flights over Christmas vacation, I turned to the crossword puzzle in the airline magazine only to find it already had been completed. But I looked closer and saw that whoever filled it out didn’t pay attention to the clues; they wrote in line after line of what looked like song lyrics or poetry, skipping over the black boxes until the whole thing read like a stream of consciousness. I should’ve torn the page out and kept it. Just ’cause. (See also “Switching seats.”)

Thom and I went to see the movie version of Rent, and it’s pretty good. The songs sound great, and it’s neat to see these performances up close instead of from an orchestra seat, but the whole thing was just… different. Being so familiar with the musical, I found it difficult to let the movie stand by itself. As it went along I was bopping to the music, but kept thinking, oh, they cut this or changed that. Where was the spark in Angel and Collins’ first meeting? What was up with “Take Me or Leave Me”? And so on. Maybe I just need to let it digest and watch it again in the distant future. (See also Jere‘s take for more of a play-by-play. And I was just re-reading some critics’ reviews, including Roger Ebert‘s, which pretty even-handed, though I don’t know if I’d call Jonathan Larson’s lyrics “ungainly.”)

D.C.’s Metro is searching for a new voice to do the recorded announcements on Metrorail cars. People interested in being the voice heard by thousands of subway riders every day (“doors closing” [WAV]) are asked to send in recordings of themselves saying a couple of specified phrases.

A panel of judges on Metro’s staff will listen to all entries and select the top 10 voices based on vocal quality, versatility, enunciation, and elocution. Metro will contact the top 10 contestants and take them to a studio to make professional recordings of their voices. A panel of industry professionals will listen to the finalists and choose Metro’s new “doors closing” voice.

(Gee, and I was afraid it was going to take an American Idol-like turn: “…and America will cast its vote for the winner!”) Entries must be received by Jan. 20; contest information and rules (PDF) are available at the WMATA website. They ask that the recorded phrases each be read in three different takes: “authoritative,” “polite,” and “serious.” Ohhkay. (Now “Martha Graham, Martha Graham…”) How about “jaunty”? That’s the only way to describe New York City’s “stand clear of the closing doors, please” (MP3), which I’ve become fond of during our visits there.

I’m encouraging Thom to enter, especially since he’s done a bit of corporate voicework. And it would just be cool to ride the Metro and hear him over the speakers. “Doors closing.” “Thanks, Thom!” I’d say to the disembodied voice.

» Related: Subway announcements and lots more at Metro Bits, a site dedicated to underground railways worldwide.