Author: Jeff Tabaco

This is pretty cool: John Cullen is in the Washington Post (“Shot-and-a-Haircut, 96 Bits: Red and the Black Serves Drinks With Coiffure Chaser“). He was Thom’s hair stylist at Studio 2000 for several years when we lived in the D.C. area, and in the last year or so before we moved, I too went to him to get my hair cut a few times. He’s a great guy and knows my hair; I had even briefly thought about making an appointment when I was in the area on business last month.

John has since moved on to Salon Loule, and the article talks about a weekly event that he hosts at The Red and the Black, a bar where on Tuesday nights you can get both a shot and a haircut for $12. Sounds like fun to me.

My dad died on July 6, 2006, one year ago today. What a crazy year it’s been: ups, downs, and everything in between. Even the Fourth of July feels a bit poignant; on July 4 last year, we spent the whole day at the hospital with my dad, and once night fell we could hear fireworks outside.

Over that following week, my mom and I planned almost all the details of the funeral, except the Mass, which the church took care of. They included a couple of Tagalog songs — I guess they knew we are Filipino, like most of their community — and one song in particular that stuck with me is “Hindi Kita Malilimutan,” which basically means “I will not forget you.” Here is a version performed by guitarist Florante Aguilar with singer Lori Abucayan, and lyrics and a translation I found on the web:

Hindi kita malilimutan
(I will never forget you)

Hindi kita pababayaan
(I will never abandon you)

Nakaukit magpakailanman
Sa ‘king palad ang ‘yong pangalan
(Your name is forever written on the palm of my hand)

Malilimutan ba ng ina
Ang anak na galing sa kanya?
(Can a mother forget a child made from her own flesh?)

Sanggol sa kanyang sinapupunan
Paano n’yang matatalikdan?
(How can she turn her back on a child nurtured in her womb?)

Ngunit kahit na malimutan ng ina
Ang anak n’yang tangan
Hindi kita malilimutan
Kailan ma’y hindi pababayaan
(No mother can forget her child; more so I, who have made you, can never forget or abandon you)

In Filipino tradition, the first anniversary of a death usually calls for a get-together, called the babang luksa, to signify the end of the mourning period (or more literally, the discarding of mourning clothes). We weren’t up to having a big gathering; last night my mom and I went to Mass, and later to a garden store to buy some azaleas that she will plant in honor of Dad. Then Thom met up with us for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant in South San Francisco.

It’s been hard dealing with the loss, but I’m finding comfort in family and friends and in just going on with life. I figure that’s how he’d want it.

We miss you, Dad. Hindi kita malilimutan.

My business trip to the D.C. area last week went well, and it was great seeing several of my co-workers again. On my last day in town I took some time off to take in some sights, old and new.

First I went to Dupont Circle. As I came up the north metro entrance, I noticed that work was underway to inscribe a quotation into the circular wall surrounding the escalators. There were only two lines done at that point, but I thought, could it be Whitman? Sure enough, I looked it up online, and it’s an excerpt from “The Wound-Dresser”:

Thus in silence in dreams’ projections,
Returning, resuming, I thread my way through the hospitals,
The hurt and wounded I pacify with soothing hand,
I sit by the restless all the dark night, some are so young,
Some suffer so much, I recall the experience sweet and sad

Ah, too bad the rest of the stanza won’t be included; it continues: “(Many a soldier’s loving arms about this neck have cross’d and rested, / Many a soldier’s kiss dwells on these bearded lips).”

I hit a couple of Dupont haunts for old time’s sake: Kramer’s for breakfast (prosciutto benedict, yum), and then Lambda Rising to browse through the magazines and pick up a copy of the Blade and Metro Weekly. (One other thing that would’ve made it a total trip down memory lane is getting a mango lassi at Teaism, but I didn’t have time.)

For a new experience I decided to check out the Smithsonian American Art Museum and the National Portrait Gallery, which had been closed for renovations for several years and reopened just last year. There’s so much to see there, but a piece I especially liked is Nam June Paik’s Electronic Superhighway: Continental U.S., Alaska, Hawaii. It’s a neon U.S. map with several monitors showing different images or video for each state.

Here’s a short video I whipped up in iMovie; I added some Sufjan Stevens to the still photos, and the second part has the actual audio from the art installation. It’s kind of muddled, but you can just make out Martin Luther King Jr.’s voice.

See also more photos, mostly from the museums.

When traveling, I try to eat at restaurants I wouldn’t find at home, like Maryland-based California Tortilla, which has great burritos, but ironically has nothing to do with California. I stopped in there at the beginning of the trip. And at the end, when I got to BWI and was looking for a place to have dinner before the plane ride home, I decided on Obrycki’s. (Apparently the main restaurant is in Baltimore proper, but there’s also this one at the airport.) I’d never heard of it before, but I figured I couldn’t come through Maryland without having some crab. Sitting at the bar (and feeling like an old travel pro), I had a beer and a crab cake sandwich. It was a nice and tasty end to the trip!

Tomorrow morning I head back to my company’s office in Bethesda for a few days of training. This will be my first time back to the D.C. area since Thom and I moved away a year ago. My early-morning flight leaves from Oakland, not nearby SFO, which means I have to leave the house really early. There’s a part of me that’s actually looking forward to the pre-dawn traffic-free drive (provided I don’t fall asleep at the wheel). At least I’ll arrive at BWI at a reasonable hour in the afternoon and will have the evening and a full night’s rest before going in to the office the next day.

For now I guess I better finish packing and get a few hours of sleep!

This afternoon Thom and I went to the gay pride festival in San Francisco and wandered around for a bit. Lots to see, as always. So many people out and all having a good time. Here’s Thom in front of City Hall:

Also we came across a free photo booth sponsored by Yahoo. For each photo they are donating $1 to The Point Foundation, so there we are having a bit of fun for a good cause. Cute, no?

By the way, June 21 is the day we like to consider our anniversary; it’s the day we first met four years ago. So last Thursday we celebrated by having dinner at Garibaldi’s and then watching Queer Wedding Sweet, a fun cabaret-like show at the Jewish Community Center. Here’s to many more years together!

Last Saturday Thom and I had some friends over for a tiki party to celebrate a few things, mainly both of our birthdays. Since my thirtieth birthday was in May and Thom’s forty-fifth is in July, we decided to have a party sometime in the middle, in June. He called the party “Hawaii 3-0-4-5,” which I love. (It also sounds like one of those old phone numbers with words for the exchanges.)

Our go-to book was Trader Vic’s Tiki Party! which gave us lots of ideas. By the time we were done decorating, our living and dining rooms were 1950s tiki-tastic. We made a whole bunch of appetizers and pitchers of tropical drinks. It was a lot of work — imagine us frosting cakes and so forth the night before at three in the morning — but when the party got going we all had a great time! It was nice to see everyone, especially some folks I hadn’t seen in ages.

Here are a few photos from Julie; more are in her Flickr set:

That cocktail in my hand is a scorpion (rum, orange and lemon juices, orgeat syrup, and brandy). We also made mai tais. Man, those were some strong drinks! This, ladies and gentlemen, is the virtue of throwing your own cocktail party: no need for a designated driver; your trip home is a walk down the hall!

Earlier today Thom sent me this heartwarming story, which totally made me smile (and sniffle a little): “A Craigslist Wedding.” Love it. And “Praise You” on accordion? Yes.