Salt Lake Metro opinion columnist Laurie Mecham provides a tongue-in-cheek guide to gay wedding etiquette. For example, on invitations:
For your guest’s convenience and the purpose of planning, include an RSVP card. Again, you can use the traditional format:
_____ will be pleased to attend the reception.Or you can modify the response card to fit your theme or circumstances, as a gay couple I know did:
(Check one):
- What a brilliant way to disrupt the patriarchal, heterosexist paradigm. We will be there in solidarity for the movement.
- If it will make you happy, we affirm your choice without judgment and will attend.
- We find this fad alarming. We must decline, and hope that you will reconsider your choice.
- We refuse to participate in the further destruction of America’s Christian values, including normal marriage. The next time we see you will be in hell.
Ha. On the reception: “Everyone loves a beautifully decorated venue with an eclectic, thoughtful selection of music and some lovely Spanish tapas. However, the key to a successful reception really lies in these two words: ‘open bar.'”
She ends with this nugget of wisdom on costs: “And remember, when in doubt, the father of the bottom pays.”
» “Wedding Belles,” Salt Lake Metro, 2-15 Sept. 2004 (via Nick).
4 replies on “Two words: open bar”
What if a hypothetical (only hypothetical) person was a dominant bottom? Would his father still have to pay?
And what happens when both in the couple are versatile? Does it then become the father of whomever bends over the fastest?
Well, I think more disconcerting would be the poor father who now has perhaps too much information (i.e., any at all) on his son’s sexual positional preferences. Heh. Daddy didn’t raise no bottom! Oh, god, that is so wrong. I should stop.
Uh huh, Jon, “hypothetical.” Riiight.
And check here for (as the Metafilter post in which I found it puts it) “Why straights shouldn’t marry,” a wedding cake made of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos and other Hostess cakes.