Part I: Joe von Schmoe. Yes, I saw Joe Millionaire last night. The prologue, in which our man Evan is taught in the ways of the elite, was interesting, I thought. It’s as much of a Cinderella story for him, as it is for the women. I confess to a bit of amusement at their reaction to his atrocious dancing. They were all like, “He’s such a great dancer!” I suppose if I were wearing an evening gown, whilst twirling in the arms of a tall, dark, handsome (not to mention wildly wealthy) man, I wouldn’t be paying much attention to his two left feet either.
Part II: Joe, Cup of. Speaking of tall, dark, and rich, I found myself on the horns of an inordinately time-consuming dilemma at Safeway the other day: deciding what coffee to buy. The descriptions on the can were entertaining, but not very helpful. I had narrowed it down to “dark and intense,” and something like “rich and nutty.” On the back of the can, there’s a chart detailing the spectrum of varieties, and these two were at the strong end of the scale. That’s how I like ’em, strong and hearty. Hot, sweet, and creamy, with an aroma you’d love to wake up to. Oh god, are we still talking about coffee? In any case I snubbed the French, and grabbed the Italian. Italian Roast, that is. I don’t remember now which of the two that was.
Man vs. machine oversized sport-utility vehicle. Great bit on Susan’s journal about SUVs. My philosophy is, the bigger the car, the dumber the driver. Oh, sit back down. Let me explain. (Let me also say that I first learned how to drive in a Chevy Astro minivan, and I’ve gotten used to being higher than most other cars in traffic. It’s nice.)
It goes back to my high-school driver’s ed teacher. He used to say that once you get into a car, your intelligence goes down. Think about it. Suddenly you’re inside a metal-and-glass body the size of an office cubicle (or larger), and yet your brain stays the same size. You’re a dinosaur. You have no way of really knowing if, say, you’ve parked too close for comfort, unless you hear the faint, but familiar screeching of metal on concrete (or screaming of valet attendant), or start playing bumper cars with your neighboring vehicles. Driving is both art and science, an exercise in constant and, over time, increasingly accurate estimation.
Oh, gee. Now you’ve got me started. I’ll go on to say that, as a pedestrian, I get so outraged when drivers stop inside the crosswalk at intersections. I’m like, you get an entire lane… you can’t give me this one freakin’ strip of paint to walk on? Do I not deserve that modicum of dignity?! Right of way! And, um, hello, this is for you drivers of the fair District of Columbia, Northwest: 17th Street north of Massachusetts Avenue is one way. I know it’s a strange intersection, but let me say it again: one way, people. So don’t you come barreling across, looking at me like I’m the crazy one as I flail my arms, trying to re-direct you the other way. Ahem.
Don’t get me wrong: I love to drive. But I think having taken mass transit for so long has made me an advocate for that lowly two-legged creature of the road, the pedestrian.
6 replies on “Odds and ends”
I must admit that I am guilty of taking up the crosswalk! *boo, hiss* But here in So. Cal we don’t have as many pedestrians so that’s my excuse. That and there are SO many blind intersections around here! gah!
Yeah. It’s different in So Cal. NO ONE walks.
*sings that old Missing Persons song*
Walking in LA-AY! Nobody walks in LA!
*jitters* Italian Rules!
Having learned to drive in my mother’s child-wielding Suburban, I also have acquired the same theory about the ratio of cranial capacity and rope length used to access the door. I do, however, still check out the drivers of any black pick-up truck. They may be dumb as posts, but the time-tested theory stands: they’re freakin’ hot!
Heh heh, Paul, I’ll keep that in mind! Sus, work your sheriff-station magic… we’re on the lookout for black pickups. Vroom vroom!
Speaking strictly from a professional point of view as your civilian representative of the Sheriff’s Dept. I completely CONCUR!